One trick to make your orders feels inclusive to people

Asking questions will get you the performance you are after far more than dictating demands. – Dan James

Remember when you were a teen and you felt that your parents sometimes or even oftentimes misunderstood you? Can you remember a time when you felt they simply “dished out orders” and “had your whole life figured out”? 

Most people have similar feelings looking back, but some don’t. And the ones who don’t are not people with special parents that never “dished out orders”. They are people with parents that took at least a modicum of time to ask questions and get to know their children.

Asking questions is a wonderful thing. And the best parents know how to ask questions so that the answers lead their kids on the path that they wanted them on in the first place. 

No one wants to feel controlled, not even a two year old child. It is true that based on your experience you might know better, but just because you know better does not give you the right to command people and expect them to like it.

So make it a point to ask questions. 

There is a simple trick you can use to make this work wonders for you. If you want to command someone on one specific path, take a bit of time and sketch out an outline of the top milestones needed to achieve that goal. Now look at those milestones and structure out a list of questions that when answered arrive at the same conclusion as your milestones. 

Now you can use that list to help out the person you are commanding to arrive at the same general conclusion as you. This is a far more inclusive process rather than just “dishing out orders” and it will increase their trust in the plan and trust in you.

With time and practice you will be able to do his “on the fly” without needing to actually write down lists. You’ll do fine.


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